When a Pet Dies: Helping Children Navigate Grief

Although I’m the first-born of my siblings, I grew up with an older “sister”, Ms. Holly Hannah Holt. Rescued from the streets of Roxbury, Massachusetts as a kitten, Hannah was my parents’ first child.

My clever sister loved to play with me. When I was a baby, she’d swish her tail just out of my reach. When I scooted forward to grab it, she would jump out of the way, only to tempt me with another flick of her tail. When I was seven or eight months old, Mom bought me a Fisher Price dog toy. She showed me how to pull the string so the dog would make noise and bob his head up and down as he walked, but I couldn’t figure it out. Finally, my feline sister had enough. She took the string in her mouth and dragged the dog across the floor. Mom insists Hannah was smarter than any of us before we reached the age of two and a half.

Most people don’t take their cats with them on vacation, but Hannah was more than a cat. She was family! Her favorite place to visit was the grove at my grandparents’ house about two and a half hours away. It was my favorite spot, too. Those woods were magical.

When I was twelve years old, Hannah began to lose weight. As her health further deteriorated, Mom took her to the vet. They suspected cancer, but needed to open her up to see what was going on. Mom gave them permission to euthanize Hannah if there was nothing they could do.

I was the one who answered the call from the vet’s office that afternoon. Cancer had spread throughout Hannah’s body. My “sister” wouldn’t be coming home. It was the first time someone close to me had died, and I was devastated.

We held a little funeral for her and buried Hannah in my grandparents’ grove.

Losing a pet is a deeply emotional experience for children who have formed strong bonds with their furry companions. My novella “Sundance,” explores the journey of a twelve-year-old boy named Mal, who grieves the loss of his beloved dog, Sunny. Mal’s story reflects the complex emotions that children may face when dealing with the death of a pet, from anger, guilt, pain, and loneliness along the path toward healing.

I’d like to share some insights and strategies to help parents navigate this difficult time and support their children through the grieving process.

Expressing Your Own Grief:

You’re probably grieving too. Your feelings are valid, and you are not alone.

You may have experienced grief as a child and been hurt or traumatized by adults’ responses to it. Perhaps you were never given the chance to say goodbye to your pet, or maybe you were told to hide your sadness and pain.

As parents, it’s natural to want to shield children from our own pain and sadness. However, by modeling healthy emotional responses, we show our children that it’s okay to experience and express our feelings. Hiding our emotions may send the message that crying is only for babies or that the pet wasn’t truly important. Instead, we should create a safe space where both parents and children can openly express their grief without judgment.

Honesty and Inclusion:

When a pet is terminally ill or suffering, be open and honest with your child about what is happening and why. Hiding the truth or avoiding difficult conversations may only lead to confusion and resentment later on. If appropriate, include them in the decision-making process, and, if at all possible, give them the chance to say goodbye before euthanizing your pet.

If a pet dies suddenly or unexpectedly, be honest about what happened rather than tell stories that might cause further grief or confusion. For example, if your dog was hit by a car and killed, don’t tell your child that your dog got lost or has gone to live with another family.

Creating Rituals and Memorials:

Consider holding a small ceremony or ritual to say goodbye, allowing your child to express their feelings and find closure. Depending on your personal beliefs, you might share the story of “the Rainbow Bridge” https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm or prayers or readings from your family’s faith traditions.

Sharing stories and memories about your pet can be a powerful way to celebrate their life and keep their memory alive. You and your child can create a scrapbook of these memories and photos. You might plant a tree or donate money to a charity in your pet’s honor.

Allowing time for Grieving:

Grief is a natural and necessary part of the healing process, and rushing through it or brushing it aside can be detrimental to children’s emotional well-being. Encourage your child to talk about their feelings and offer comfort and support as they navigate this difficult time. Allow children to take as long as they need to grieve the loss of their pet. There is no “right” or “wrong” time to welcome a new pet into your family, but avoid rushing into it before all members of the family are ready.

Reading books together:

There are many excellent books that deal with the subject of grieving for a pet. If your school-age child enjoys dogs and horses, check out my novella, Sundance. It’s available in paperback, large print hardcover, and ebook formats from Amazon and most online book retailers, or you can get a free ebook copy directly from me.

Conclusion:

Losing a beloved pet is a journey filled with complex emotions, from sadness and guilt to eventual healing and acceptance. Remember that it’s okay to express your own grief as you create a safe space where emotions can be openly shared and validated. By being honest and inclusive, creating rituals and memorials, and allowing time for grieving, you can help your child find comfort and healing in the midst of loss. Together, you’ll cherish the memories of your pet and find solace in the love he or she brought into your lives.